Moms Off Script
Megg & Mere | Two Moms, One Podcast, Zero Manual | A Community for moms who don't always have it figured out and are writing the script as they go.
Moms Off Script
MOS E28: "Ambitious Women"
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Welcome to Moms Off Script, a podcast for moms who are just trying to figure it out. This week Megg & Mere are getting into their lives as working mothers. Hear about why they work (it's not just about money) and how their perspective on career and ambition has evolved over time.
CREDITS:
Original content: Megg Abelein & Meredith Finch
Set design, videography: Megg Abelein & Meredith Finch
Music: Matt Beebe
Photography: Michelle Montinieri
Graphic Design: Alexia Dulieu
Editing & Production: Megg Abelein
Why do you work? The time is why do you work?
SPEAKER_00Gonna do the podcast?
SPEAKER_02I am so ready to do the podcast.
SPEAKER_00Cheers! Cheers! Welcome back to another episode of Mob Soft Script. I'm Meg. And I'm Mayor. And we are so excited for you guys to be here today. And what you all don't know is that we haven't seen each other in like over a week.
SPEAKER_02It has been over a week. Like besides yoga this morning, which doesn't count because we already have a sleep. Yeah, do we have to do it? We didn't actually catch up. So we're gonna have to be restrain ourselves from chit-chatting for too long at the beginning here. Yeah, I don't know. We might we'll see. We'll see. We won't just do a whole of some chit-chat. Maybe. No, we won't. We actually have a really great topic tonight. I'm very passionate about this topic, so I'm excited to get into it. But first, my girl, how are you?
SPEAKER_00I like don't even know where to start. I feel like I've just been through a whirlwind the last two weeks. Like my brother ran the Boston Marathon, so I was up there for a while. I was just in Buffalo. My kids were in Rochester, so I hung out in Rochester for a little bit. I had a root canal last week. My son started baseball. We're gonna start overnight potty training this week. We're just like in it. We're getting ready for kindergarten, which we heard about on the podcast last week. We're we're looking into options for my daughter for next year. And just like oh my god. April is a crazy month, and April's always been a crazy month for me. They have so much going on. So which one of those things do you want to talk about? Well, how did your brother do with the marathon? He did phenomenal. Yeah. Yeah, he did really good. He I think he really enjoyed the race. It was a very fun race day. He had a blast, and he did really well.
SPEAKER_02Are you recovered from your root canal?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was a surprise root canal. So I went in for a chipped tooth and they were like, yeah, it needs a root canal. Oh my god. I've never had a root canal. Is it terrible? It's honestly, I fell asleep.
SPEAKER_02That's the most mother thing I've ever heard. I was getting a root canal because I was tired and it was peaceful, so I fell asleep.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I got a root canal like maybe when my daughter was two or three weeks old, and I literally slept through the whole thing. Oh my god. Do they knock you out completely? No. You're just getting over the cane. They have like blocks that they put in your mouth. So it's just a rubber block that will open your mouth, and you don't have to keep your mouth open the whole time. Like it goes in between your teeth. Okay. So that you could relax your jaw and it doesn't clench down on the dentist. And then now the one I had the other day was also the suction. Have you had any dental work done? No. I've had braces. So oh, see, I never had braces. Okay. So they put the block in, it opens your mouth, and then there was a suction attachment to the block. So I was getting the suction at with the block in. So I like didn't have to swallow or anything. So I literally fell asleep.
SPEAKER_02That sounds horrible. But I'm happy that you had a good bad. Okay, but now I want to talk about night training.
SPEAKER_00Have you started? No. What's your game? My son's been really excited about it. And he's asked maybe a handful of times over the last two weeks can I sleep with no pull-up or no diaper? We just had so much going on that we haven't been able to like rip the band-aid off. Clearly. And we we moved my daughter to a bed about a month and a half ago. And we wanted that transition to be fully through before we did it because we're gonna do both of them at the same time. We don't really have a game plan at this point because we know my son can come downstairs in the middle of the night because he does sometimes like come downstairs and knock on our door and ask us for things. Essentially, the game plan is basically like put waterproof things on their beds, put them in underpants and see what happens. We're toying with the idea of waking them up once or twice the first couple nights, which we'll probably do. But I also know that when they both nap at school, they don't wear any diapers. My daughter will nap for two or three hours at school and is fine. I kind of feel like at this point it's a placebo thing, like the diaper, or not a placebo, a Pavlov thing, like a Pavlovian thing. Where like when they have the diaper on, they know they can go to the bathroom.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Do they wake up dry now in the morning?
SPEAKER_00Oh goodness, no.
SPEAKER_02Do you know the trick with the layering of the waterproof mattress in the sheet and waterproof in the sheet? No. So this is a good trick, especially if you're night training and you're not confident they'll make it to the night at first. You have your mattress and then you have a waterproof pad, like a thin layer, and then a sheet, and then you do another waterproof pad and another sheet. And I would do sometimes three so that if you have an accident in the middle of the night, you're not having to find another set of sheets. You just pull off the wet ones and you're already good to go with the next ones. Definitely clutch. Okay. What about you? What's going on? Not as much as you. There's good news and bad news. Which one would you like first?
SPEAKER_00I mean, does the bad news lead to the good news? No, they're independent. They're independent of each other.
SPEAKER_02Throw it on me. What do you got? We'll start with bad news so we can a good note. The bad news is my car is in for service right now. Oh no. The engine is shot because I had a coolant leak into the engine. Oh, which is apparently extremely rare for my vehicle and unheard of for 50,000 miles and blah blah blah. But of course, it happened to me. So we're spending lots of money to repair the car to the point where we thought about training it in and just cutting our losses, but we didn't. The good news is for anyone who grew up playing Nancy Drew PC games. Oh, geez. I have discovered a PC game that very much emulates the old Nancy Drew games. These games, you didn't play these, I'm assuming. No. Because you weren't a giant nerd. It's fine.
SPEAKER_00I was playing like roller coaster tycoon. Yeah, that was much cooler.
SPEAKER_02That was Zoo Tycoon, whatever. The cool, the not I was gonna say the cool kids, but the non-cool kids were playing Nancy Drew. It's a point-and-click mystery game. You play as Nancy, you kind of solve a mystery, hidden objects. I did play Where in the World Is Carmen San Diego. Vaguely similar. Okay, vaguely similar. There are like 20 Nancy Drew games, and it like reached its peak in like the 2010s, I would say. Oh, that's so late. Yeah, it was like through that's we loved it and like that's post-high school. I know. We we loved it in like early 2000s, 2002, 2003, but it continued on beyond time and it was great. So you weren't playing in college. Oh, I definitely was playing in college, if anyone came out, just to be clear. Okay. But anyway, they have since you know they're past their peak. They don't really make they make them now, but they're not the same, whatever. A friend of mine turned me on to a game called Penelope Pendrick and the Art of Deceit, and it was made by a fan of the Nancy Drew games who like miss the old ones. And she decided to create her own game, and it is amazing. So for the very niche following that I know we have of people who play Nancy Drew games, Penelope Pendrick and the Art of Deceit. It has been great. It's been my after bedtime activity, which is nice because my husband's been so busy with work, so he's been working late. I've been playing Penelope Pendrick.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Well, that is great news for you. It's great news. It's much better than the car news. So what are you drinking tonight?
SPEAKER_02I am drinking a multipuzzale di Abruzzo. Oh, that's a delicious favorite. Ugh, I love an Italian wine, and this is a very good one. My wine stock is actually getting a little bit low. Probably due for a restock.
SPEAKER_00Nice. What are you drinking? I am drinking a recess mood. What are these? It's a sparkling water, but it has magnesium in it. So it's kind of like a good like recovery drink. I discovered them recently. They also make mocktails, which is like right up my alley. So this is the black cherry flavor. It's the first time trying black cherry.
SPEAKER_02It's actually delicious. Did this company also make the drink you were drinking at yoga this morning that had caffeine in it, or is that something else?
SPEAKER_00No, that's something else. This morning I was drinking a Bloom Energy stick, which is phenomenal. Also, they just came out with the Shirley Temple flavor. It is so good. If I consume caffeine, I become a psychopath. So yeah, don't do that. Especially not at hot yoga at six in the morning. Nobody needs that. I need a not nobody. Nobody needs me. Oh, I need the caffeine. I do not need you to be more of a psycho than you already are.
SPEAKER_02All right, so tonight we are talking about a topic that we've touched on in certain forms. But tonight we are talking about working with parenthood. Yes, we both do that. We do both work. We have talked about this in our childcare episode. We touched on it with Catherine. We were talking about mother figures and all that kind of stuff. But tonight we're going to give it its due and really talk about what it is like to be a working parent, how we think about work, how we talk about work with our kids, how we navigate the world as working parents, because it's hard. That's what we're getting into tonight. But start us off with why do you work? Besides the financial reasons.
SPEAKER_00Why do you work? That's a great question. Because I don't know that I have a great answer because I've just been doing it forever. I have had a job for over half of my life. I'm what 38? I got a job when I was 15. More than half of my life. More than half of my life, I've had a job. I enjoy working. I think I mean I think it's that simple. I enjoy get being given a task, being able to execute the task, being able to see the outcome of the task. A lot of the work that I have done, whether it's part-time jobs or throughout my career, has been human-facing. So there is an element of when I do a good job, someone else gets a reward. Also, it's rewarding to me to be able to give back to the community and give back to whatever client I'm I'm serving at that point. And I really do feel like a lot of the work that I've done has been some sort of a service type of career path or job. For me, that I mean, that's essentially why I work like at my core, I guess. Am I making any sense? Yeah, completely. With that, like it's just become so much of my personality. And I think I was an athlete, right? We've talked about that. I was an athlete, but I also always had a job. And so that was another piece of me that I always carried with me. There was the athletics piece and there was a job piece. The job never trumped being an athlete. I want to get that very clear. Like when I was a college athlete or when I played a sanctioned sport, obviously school sport job was the order there. But like job came pretty close. I was a summer lifeguard my entire high school career, my entire college career. I just jumped right into the workforce. I always had a second secondary income or a part-time job up until I had kids. Wow. Yeah. Tell us a little bit about what you do now. What is your job right now? So, right now I work in college athletics. I'm an executive assistant. And so I am kind of a catch-all. I do a lot of event planning and just a lot of logistical organization. That's kind of where I've landed at this point. And it is a path in my career that I have taken to kind of manage being a parent and a job. It is definitely a move that I made in my career after having kids. It is something that allows me to have a really great work-life balance, which I need. I mean, I still work my full work week, but I do have flexibility that I've never had before. I don't have a secondary job, and I don't have tied to coaching, which is like weird, odd hours. Nights and weekends. Nights, weekends, all the things, which I was doing with kids, and it was it was a very crazy journey. And I think coaches that are parents, God bless you, because you are on a whole nother level of parenting and and working parents. What about you? Tell me why, why do why do you work, Meredith?
SPEAKER_02I think my primary driver for working is the challenge of it. I enjoy being faced with a problem. And when someone says, I don't know how to solve this, but I trust you to figure it out. Come back when you have a game plan. Yeah. I love the autonomy of being able to tackle a problem the way I see fit. I love storytelling once I figure out the solution that I want to do, being able to go back and convince everybody this is what we should do and craft that narrative to get everybody on board. I like communicating. I like building a team. I like getting everybody moving towards the same thing. And I like the social aspect of it.
SPEAKER_00The social aspect of it is huge. So huge. Huge. Yeah. I know you've mentioned in other episodes that you've worked for the same company throughout your career. Almost my whole career, yeah. Yeah. Tell us a little bit about where you started and where you are now.
SPEAKER_02I started as an admin. Okay. I came in as an administrative assistant. So I have a lot of respect for people in those administrative support roles. You are the glue when you're in those roles, like literally holding it together. I came in as an admin, and at that point, I was not interested in a career at this company. I was 23 years old and I found the coaching job down the street for the dance team and said, this is to be the bills, and the dance team is what I actually care about. Thank you very much. Right. But through a series of events and wonderful mentors, wonderful women mentors, I should say, I came to find a career there and felt like I could make a difference that I could grow and learn and challenge myself. And it went from a get me in and out of here to I actually want to grow here and network and build my reputation and build a career here, not just have a job here.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02So I advanced from being an admin, I moved into a more consultant type role. I managed a team for a little while, and then I moved into more strategic functions. And that's where I am now in more of like strategic consulting. Think of it like a project manager, it's like maybe one step, not above in terms of hierarchy, but in terms of scope above a project manager because you're thinking very broadly about the impacts of projects across an entire enterprise of thousands of people. And I really like it. It's really like hefty problem solving. And the project I'm working on right now is very for like outward facing. So there are a lot of recipients of that project. You talked about this, how it's like when you do a good job, it impacts a lot of people. Yeah. And I feel that way now. Like if this project goes really well, which I'm hoping it will, there's going to be a lot of really positive feedback from a lot of people about it. And I feel really good knowing that like I'm driving that forward.
SPEAKER_00I love that. So we have our corporate girly and our not so corporate education girly.
SPEAKER_02I'm glad though that we have different perspectives on this because I think as we get into the discussion on working parenthood, there are elements of it that I only know from a corporate lens. Right.
SPEAKER_00And I only know from an education lens or from a like student community facing. Yes.
SPEAKER_02So I'm really excited to get further into the discussion. So we talked about why we work from like an emotional standpoint, a fulfillment standpoint, right? We all I I love recognition, right? I love it when my boss tells me I'm doing a good job, right? And especially in those early days of parenthood when you don't have a baby, that the only feedback they give you is like crying or sleeping. Like, oh, like the baby gets the baby that's the only feedback you're getting. The baby doesn't tell you at the end of the day. Oh, yeah. You know what, mom? You crushed it today. Right. Nice job. Yeah. I was starved for that kind of recognition. Oh my gosh. When my boss would tell me I was doing a good job, I was like, hallelujah, I needed to hear that. Like I needed that validation. I'm an external validation person. I'm working on it. Okay. But there's nothing wrong with that. I am an external validation person. I love hearing I'm doing a good job. And especially when I was a parent of very young children who can't say, I love you, mommy, blah, blah, blah. Like they just you just don't get that. I really missed that. And work was able to be a space where I got that fulfillment. But besides that, there's practical reasons why we work as well. Did you ever think about when you had your kids stopping working?
SPEAKER_00I think we touched a little bit about this in the child care episode, but I highly considered being a stay-at-home mom. And that's something that I still regularly think about, or like we go back to our spreadsheets to decide if that is spreadsheets. We have them too. I know. Ours are not nearly as extensive as the spreadsheets in your home. But we revisit the idea every once in a while. Something that was important for me was structure for my kids. And so that was like another piece of choosing to go back to work. But as far as financially, it was usually a wash. My salary essentially paid for the childcare, but it also paid for my mental health. And when I did go back to work, I was I was coaching still. And that is my passion. It was something that brought me so much joy and something that I needed to be doing in my life at that time. You mentioned like needing that validation from your supervisor because you weren't getting it at home from your children. I really needed the idea of like I was continuing to impact my students in the in the right way. Like I was competitive. I had that drive to want to continue to coach. And the social aspect, yes, the financial piece was something that we needed, but it was more because what we needed in our home was a mentally healthy, stable house. And stability came in all different forms at that point, right? For me, it was mental stability. For my husband, it was financial stability. And for my children, it was like stability day-to-day. Structure. Structure. And so our decision for me to not stay home essentially came down to this is what's going to bring better balance to our home.
SPEAKER_02We did some similar maths. When I was pregnant, I told my husband that I wanted to stay home. Right. And said this. Slowly trying to change my mind about it and eventually ended up deciding to go back to work. It was something I thought about for a period of time because that was the model I had in my home growing up. And ultimately decided against it. And big piece of it, I think, was because of my mental health and the challenge of being outside the home and being able to be outside the home and being in an environment where I was just me and not just and not a mom. Right. Obviously, you're always a mom, but not only a mom in that sense. And that was really, really important to me too.
SPEAKER_00I think it's so interesting that you mentioned like your mom was a stay-at-home mom. My mom was also a stay-at-home mom for my younger years. She did go back to work and was working as I was older in the house. But we have so many different opportunities at this point. Yeah. E than even what 30 years ago when our parents were raising us. Yeah. And so this idea of you needed to go back for your mental health, you had the opportunity to. So much of my identity and your identity before we had kids was tied to our careers. Yeah. And I don't know because I didn't work in corporate America, but as somebody who works in a corporate field, like you have spent endless hours and weeks and days and months and years building this resume or building this person. Yeah. You know, I had spent countless years dedicating my life to student athletes and growing and recruiting and building a sport. And so we're people, and I know our personalities, right? We're people that have built our lives around our careers. We're seeing this trend of women having children later in life. And we have so much access to social media and access to information that what we need is so different than what our moms needed.
SPEAKER_02I'm so glad you're going here because this is a topic that fascinates me. And I did a little bit of research for this. Of course you did. But I went back and looked at some data because I found myself wanting to say things like, most families have two working parents. And I'm like, well, do they actually? Like, let me double check that stats. Right. And it's true. 60% of American families right now have it's like low 60s, have both parents working, either full or part-time. Yep. And if you look back on that trend, go back to like the 70s.
SPEAKER_00Now, mind you, we are not referencing our mothers at this point because our mothers were not mothers in the 70s. Correct, correct.
SPEAKER_02I'm talking just general American history. So if you look back to the 70s, it was flipped where only 30% of families had both parents working. Right. And that trend has shifted over time. You saw a bump in the 90s with the dot-com and all of that. You saw a little dip in the 2010s with the Great Recession. You saw a dip with COVID, but now we're kind of post-COVID, almost back to where we were pre-COVID with that. Like it's like 62% of families have two working parents. And the thing that blows my mind about it is that if you look at the system in which we work, it was built for a one-income household, right? Where the assumption was one individual was going to be staying home with the kids and the other person worked a nine to five job. Nothing about the system has changed to accommodate two working parents. You have two working parents with a nine to five Monday through Friday schedule. You have school that runs seven to two Monday through Friday and not during the summer. And weird vacation weeks. So you need after school care and maybe before school care. And then you have sports, and it doesn't actually fit together at all. So this is kind of the central problem that eats at me as a working mother now is you have a system that was designed for one parent working and now two parents are working, but nothing has changed. We're just told to deal with this. Right. And more often than not, it's the mother who's stuck with the mental load of figuring out how to deal with all of that. Right. If you're lucky, you've got a great partner that's helping you with it, but very often you're it's falling on the mother, or you're a single parent trying to figure it out. And you maybe you don't have a village of grandparents or the people around you. And then you throw in like breastfeeding. How are you supposed to breastfeed when you're you have to go to work every day? Like, oh my gosh. It's just truly chaotic. And we look at our working lifestyle and think, why is this so hard? And I look at that and I'm like, well, this is why it's so hard. The system was not designed to be like this. That kind of blows my mind. I'm curious how you. Move about this system, this structure. How do you make it work for your family? What are the systems that you've put in place? Because here's the thing. I wish we could just wave a magic wand and be like universal pre-K. Yeah. Year of parental leave for everybody, right?
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, a year of parental leave. That would be.
SPEAKER_02Oh my God, right? Ugh. Truly. We need to get on Canada's level. I just went to Canada last week. We should just move there. Yeah. And then it's a wonderful year. We talk about it all the time. Even though we can't change the system, we have to work within it. How do you do it as a working parent?
SPEAKER_00We do it. We're figuring it out as we go. But before I answer the question, sidebar. Are we post-COVID? Yeah, we are. Oh, that blows my mind. You said it. And I was like, she's right. We are post-COVID. We're post-COVID. Blows my mind. I know. Anyway, we figure it out. We're making it work. I think one of the phenomenal things about our household right now is that my husband is fully remote. Amazing. And that is going to be a huge help when my son goes to kindergarten next year. Because you mentioned the like seven to two crazy, like they get home so early. My son is very independent. And we are going to try the whole like get him off the bus at 2:30, and dad has to work till 5, mom will be home at 4:30 situation. And we're going to see how it works. And then if we need to adjust from there, we'll adjust from there. But that's how we're going to start. So the fact that my husband works from home helps kind of us navigate that system. Yeah. He does want to go hybrid eventually. And I hope, and and I had to say the same thing the other day. Like I did say, like, you working from home is an added benefit. It is not what we like, you don't need to work from home. It's not a necessity. It's helpful. It's great. Do it as long as you can, but don't feel like you can't advance your career or look for other opportunities that are hybrid opportunities because of this benefit. We'll figure it out. I think for us, the other piece is just I have gone through a career transformation in the last five years since having kids. I've kind of done a lateral move, but I've done, I've I've stayed within the realm of the world that I work in, but I now have this position that is a little bit more flexible. My supervisor is a woman who is also a mom. She is phenomenal and understands kind of the working mother situation. I also have shifted my mindset throughout this journey of kind of like a career change or like a career lateral shift. And I get my job done. That is something I've always done. I've always prided myself on being somebody that gets my job done when given the tools to do my job correctly. I've always been somebody who has never left work at work. And since becoming a mom, I have learned so much of how to do that. And I can turn my computer off. I am an hourly employee at this point. I am not salaried. I hope maybe someday to transition back into that lifestyle. But right now, I can turn my computer off and I can walk away and I can go home and I can be mom. And so I think that's a huge piece for me is just the mindset shift of I am an independent human, I am an employee, I am a mom, I am a wife. And all four of those things, and probably the 17 other things that I am, all coexist, but can be independent of each other. And I think that's how I've tried to combat this system is to really just live where I am in that moment. Yeah. I do think the mental load piece is very challenging. And I think that's something that I would love to dive into. So we're gonna do that. I don't think we can do a whole episode. I don't I don't think that's something worth diving into at this moment because I think it's such an interesting topic. Because I do believe that although I do have a partner that is very active and very present in the household physically, I do think there's a huge mental load that mothers carry innately. Yeah, I agree. Whether we try to get rid of it or not, try to pass it off or not. I think that there's just an innate mental load that we will continue to carry what no matter how much we break down this system. Yeah. I think so too. Yeah. What about you? How are you guys combating the system over here? The big one for us was the decision to go part-time for me.
SPEAKER_02Right. After my son was born, maybe like a year later, I think it was, I decided to go part-time. Obviously, we were lucky enough that it'd be in a financial situation where we were able to do that and we made smart financial decisions that allowed us to do that, right? Like we have a little house, we're a little cramped in here, but you know, we're making it work for our situation. And there's other decisions like that that we've made to allow us to live well within our means so that when I had the opportunity to go part-time, we could logistically make it work. Right. I think I was also really intentional about once I had my kids, and even before I had my kids, making sure I was building a reputation at work that stood on its own. That when I came into a room or when I applied for a role or when I was assigned to a project, people knew what they were gonna get. And I purposely took roles with leaders that I knew would value the work that I brought to the table enough to grant me flexibility that I think I earned in those roles. So, for example, after my son was born, I returned to work and I relatively quickly moved to a new position. And I had the luxury of actually being offered two positions and choosing between two roles of what I wanted to do. And I ended up going with a role that I felt like I had a better connection with the manager and who I think better emulated a work-life balance that I thought that he would support me in my future decisions around wanting a part-time work schedule. And I was right, he was the one who granted my part-time arrangement for the first time and supported me through it, asked zero questions, was literally like, absolutely yes, tell me where design will make it happen. Right. And I think a lot of that is due to him. He's a great manager. And a lot of that is due to me and the work that I put in to have a reputation where he said, I would rather have you as a part-time employee than have you leave because you don't have the arrangement that you need in order to continue to continue work. And my current manager also is someone, so I've switched roles since then, who I worked with when I was part-time. We were colleagues working on similar projects. And when he had an opening on his team that I was interested in, he was willing to take me on his team as a part-time employee because he knew my work product. He knew my reputation. And he said to me in the interview, I would rather have a part-time you than a full-time anyone else. There you go. And that to me speaks to the work that I've done. I'm not trying to be like, look at me, I'm the greatest. What I'm saying is I was very intentional about cultivating a reputation that allowed me this flexibility that I knew I would need down the road. Right. So that's one big thing. Being able to be part-time, building reputation that afforded me the flexibility I eventually needed. The second thing is that I'm a really big advocate at work for parents. Yeah. We have an incredible group at work. And I should say the company I work for is very supportive of working parents. I'm very grateful for the policies and procedures they have in place to support working parents. And one of the things that they have in place is they have like, you know, companies have like business resource groups or employee resource groups. Within one of those resource groups is a committee that is a parents committee. Right. And I'm lucky enough to co-chair that committee with another woman who's another mom at work. And that committee is like my lifeline as well. Like that's such a great group of people. And we spend time putting together content and resources for working parents, advocating for working parents in spaces that matter, talking with HR and benefits and our other stakeholders and partners at the company to give the parent perspective about what's going on at work. And I think we're making a difference there. And we're starting to build a community around working parents at work. Yeah. That's like 200 some odd people that are gathering in our, you know, that's the digital spaces to talk to each other. And just like, you know, when it would be a snow day, someone must would message and be like, LOL, good luck today, everybody. Like, everyone's home with their kids. Like, what are we doing to occupy our kids? And just to be seen in that space where I think previously, and I'm sure there's people still in this boat where your kids are home on a snow day, you're like, I have to hide this. I need to get my work done and pretend like my kids are not here. No one can know that my kids are home and I'm distracted. Right. And this is a space where we can be honest about where we are with parenting and that our kids are around and just be real people about it. And that is so validating. Yeah, that's super helpful. So having that at work and that space at work and not just being part of it, but really actively leading that gives me a lot of validation. And I'm really proud of the work that we're doing there. The last one is similar to what you were talking about, with a little bit of like adjusting your expectations and that sort of thing and your role. This is something that I have struggled with a lot. It's hard. It's so hard. It's very, very challenging. Especially as ambitious women, right? Like we built, you said this before. We built our careers, we spent all this time and energy building our reputations and building this thing. And all of a sudden, you're like, wait a second, I'm a mom now. And this isn't the most important thing to me now. So what do I do with all this stuff that I've built? And I think we look at the world as like, right? Society tells us you graduate college with good grades, you go to a college, you graduate, you get a good job, you get married, you have kids, you buy a house, right? And it's it's always the next thing. What's the next thing you're chasing? What's the next checkbox to check? I have felt in the last few years since having kids that I don't really want to check another box right now. I'm kind of happy where I'm at. I am very content to be in a role where I can learn and be challenged and like enjoy myself every day and feel like a valued employee, but I'm not trying to climb the ladder. Right. And for a very long time, I had not heard that perspective from anyone. It was always, well, of course you keep moving. Of course you keep advancing. What's the next role you're going after? Are you going for a promotion? When are you getting a raise? What's the thing that you're chasing? Yeah. And just today at work, I had an amazing conversation with a mentor of mine who admitted feeling this way. Yeah. And she said that she had climbed to a point where she was, she went one step too far. Yeah. And she was in a role where she was a crazy person and she was working crazy hours, nights, and weekends, and traveling, all that stuff when her kids were little. And she, through circumstances outside of her control, found herself back out of that role into a much more manageable role and was like, oh my gosh, I took it one step too far. Right. This is actually where I want to be. And she didn't regret doing that because I think it taught her like she found the ceiling, right? Right. And like she knew to step back a peg. But she was saying to me, I'm happy where I'm at. And are there roles that I could see myself in one day? Maybe. She's like, but I've got 20 more years left at this company, right? Like we have so much time. Yes. You know? And so she's like, for now, I'm happy where I'm at and I'm good to stay here. And I was like, oh my God, I've never heard someone say that, but they just want to stay where they're at and be comfortable there. Because that's how I feel. I'm in a role that I love. My bond, my manager is great. The people I work with is great. I make enough money for my lifestyle. I'm content here. And that's wild. 10 years ago, maybe you would be like, What's wrong with you? You're just gonna sit there and keep the job that you have. But that is a mindset shift that I have worked on and have like come to terms with and accepted.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. It's funny that you mentioned a conversation that you had today. I also had a conversation with a coworker today who is not a mom. They were interested in maybe making a career jump, but they were they're very early in their career. And I kind of gave them this, I was kind of talking them through this idea that you know you can make the quick jumps now, or you can continue to grow and you continue to build in the position that you're in and like be content and happy where you are while learning more skills instead of pigeonholing yourself by making the jump. I also think this idea that you keep climbing, you keep climbing, you keep climbing, it's so interesting because, like you said, like you go to college, you go get a job, you have kids, you buy a house, you there's there's the boxes that you check. And for our parents, when you got a career out of college, like that was your career. That was your career. You stayed there, that was you stayed there. You built your pension, you retired, you stayed there for your 40, 50, however many years.
SPEAKER_02And you were set. You don't have to work.
SPEAKER_00And this is what I was talking about before: how we have all this access. And the idea that we don't have to do the same thing for our whole career is there because we have access to information and because there are ways to make career changes. And I think that that's another piece of the system that's actually benefiting us in a way. So we talk about like how the system is broken and how it's not built for the lifestyle that we're living, right? Dual income, parents. But the idea that we can change careers allows someone like you to be content for a few years and say, Yeah, I'm chill, I'm doing my job, I'm really good at my job, I'm really good at being a mom, and it's really hard to balance all this shit. So, what I'm gonna do is I'm going to be content and I'm going to be happy. And that's not saying that you're not climbing. It's not saying that you're not growing, because the more you do at that specific job or the role that you're in right now is only providing you more information and more data. Yeah. So that when you go and you're ready to do the next thing, maybe you are ready to go full time, or maybe in five years from now, you're like, screw it, I'm a really good mom and I want to do something else. All of that data that you've collected over the last seven years of being a mom is going to provide you with some sort of opportunity. So I do think while the system is broken and while being a working mother or being a dual-income household or any sort of trying to figure out how to navigate being a parent and getting any sort of income is so incredibly challenging. The ability to access information and be creative with your career is beneficial.
SPEAKER_02And to build on what you're saying, we have those choices to even have a career. Like, look back generations ago. It wasn't a thing.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02Our our grandmothers, great-grandmothers, they would look at us and be like, girl, you're working in an office? Right.
SPEAKER_00You're running teams? Right. Like what? Right. Like I was on a TikTok earlier today that was literally like, we are the most free women that have ever existed in the history of the world. Yes. And so, yes, the system is broken. Yes, this is really fucking challenging. But we have so much freedom to be able to be flexible with our lifestyle. What are we doing with the freedom?
SPEAKER_02We have this incredible freedom. And I think you and I are doing a great job. Let's pat ourselves on the back for a second because we have our careers, we have our families, and we're making it work.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but we are so privileged and we are so fortunate to be able to do this. Yeah. And I think that there are a lot of women who don't have as supportive partners as you or I. I mean, we talk about some struggles that we have with our partners, and our partners are pretty good at what they're doing right now, right? Joey's the best. Alan, love you. Thanks for coming on the pod. Alan does get points right away. Alan does get points. Joey will never be on the pod. Support from a pod. Um, but I I do think that there's a lot of situations where women aren't feeling the support that we're feeling from from their communities and from the spaces that they're in and being able to climb a corporate ladder or being able to find roles that fit my, like fit their personalities and their needs. Like there are women that are putting food on the table.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And like snaps for them because they are doing everything that they need to do to be the best mom that they can be for their kid. A thousand percent. So, like if you're listening to this and like that's resonating with you, or you have a different perspective on all of this, like I want to hear it. Oh, me too. Please write us. We're just two people who have our experience and we're here sharing it with the world, but we want to hear your perspective and write it in, voice memo it in, tell us you want to send us a text, tell us you want to be on the pod. Like, yeah, want more guests. That's something that we're looking forward to as we start to progress this podcast. So, like, if you have a different perspective than us, let us know because we want to hear it. And we're we're, you know, we're excited to hear all different perspectives on all things parenthood, but really the working mob thing and how we're trying to break down this system because we've moved forward a lot. We have a long way to go, and we want to hear from you guys about what you're doing.
SPEAKER_02Megan, are you ready for the lightning round? Why do you do that? Because it's funny and serious.
SPEAKER_00You don't need to call me by my government name.
SPEAKER_02Yes, I do, because this is requires focus. Are you ready? Whatever. Just actually this is not.
SPEAKER_00Just hit me with the lightning. Hit me with the lightning, girl.
SPEAKER_02This is low key, work, work themed. Ready? All right, all right, all right. What was the first job you were paid to do? Life guard. Oh, that's a lie. Babysit. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00Have you ever been fired from a job? No. Wow, good for you. I definitely have been. Uh, if money weren't a factor, what would be your dream job? Oh, goodness gracious. I don't think I know. Podcasting. Oh, podcasting. What was your first job out of college? My first job out of college was coaching. Does your degree match your profession now? Yes, sort of. Not really. What is your degree? I have an associate's degree in applied science for massage therapy and a bachelor's degree in communication. Kind of. So I'm in the realm. In the realm. I'm under the correct umbrella. Would you ever go back to school? Yes. And if you had to call it today, what will your kids grow up to do? Oh my goodness, this is a good one. Okay, they're both gonna be on Broadway. No. Um one of them will be. I don't know which one though. I don't know. My son is gonna be on Broadway. I my son is going to be on Broadway. My daughter's gonna be an engineer. She's gonna be an aerospace engineer. I love it. Brilliant. I'm not wrong. No, you're correct. That's why it's great. Yeah. A plus. That's it.
SPEAKER_02You crushed it.
SPEAKER_00Great lightning round.
SPEAKER_02Let's wrap this up. What are your final thoughts today, Mayor? I'm so glad we got to talk about this topic. I said at the top, this is something I'm super passionate about and I think a lot about. I hope I didn't get too much of my soapbox there, but this is something that's important to me. The last thought I'll leave us with is that whenever I talk about this topic with someone, nobody ever says, you know what I wish I did more when I was younger, my kids were young. I wish I worked more. Nobody ever says that. Everyone always says they wish they spent more time with their kids. And that is something I keep at the forefront all the time. Like, how can I make sure that I'm balancing my career, making sure I'm fulfilling myself, and also not missing out on this time that's like in the end going to be pretty fleeting.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I have been using my ADD to play with this screw for the last half an hour. So if you've been watching us on YouTube and wonder what I have in my hands, we have a surprising amount of YouTube. It is more than just podcasts. Over 50 subscribers and a ton of people watch our shows.
SPEAKER_02No, truly, I was not even just our shorts. Have you looked at our episode counts recently? It's like more than podcast listeners. We have more people on YouTube than podcasts.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So watch our YouTube channel. Because we're so beautiful. Subscribe to our YouTube. If people want to see us on YouTube, where do they where do they go? Like give us the socials. Well, they go to YouTube to find us on YouTube. Um, we are a podcast, Mobs Off Script, so you can find the podcast, Mobs Off Script, on YouTube. You can also catch our shorts on YouTube if you want to see all the funny stuff. If you are watching Reels or TikToks, those are on Instagram or TikTok. And we are Moms Off Script on Instagram and TikTok. You can also send us an email, momsoffscript at gmail.com. We would love to hear from you. What are you doing with your career since you've had kids? Have things changed for you? Are you staying at home? What decisions have you made? And what do you want to hear from us on the podcast? And what do you want to hear from us this summer? Let us know. We'll catch you next time. Bye. That was a great wrap-up.
SPEAKER_01Mobile script is created and developed by Meg Avaline and Merit Fitch. Music, not BB. Photography, the show map.